Train Conductor

The Train Conductor runs a rickety amusement ride that promises far more danger than any theme park should legally offer, waving riders aboard with the weary showmanship of a man who has seen this exact disaster before. He is gruff, sarcastic, and utterly unbothered by the mayhem his contraption is about to unleash on whoever climbs in.

He is a one-note joke played with total commitment: John DiMaggio gives him a leathery, carnival-barker rasp that makes every deadpan warning sound both threatening and hilariously beside the point. The character never needs a backstory or an arc — he just needs to say something ominous, shrug, and let the ride do the rest.