Captain Kevin Darling

Captain Darling is General Melchett's simpering staff officer, forever chained to a desk while dreaming of glory he will never see. He is prim, obsequious, and desperate to be liked by his superior, treating paperwork as a battlefield and Blackadder as a lifelong tormentor. His name invites every insult imaginable, and he hates it.

Tim McInnerny plays him as pure repressed fury wrapped in starch, a man who has organised his entire personality around not being at the front and resents anyone who points that out. The joke is always the same and always lands: bureaucratic vanity colliding with mounting dread, delivered through a face perpetually on the edge of tears.